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The Dean's List #24

What is your approach to difficult conversations? How do you prep?

I guess my first approach is empathy. I also make notes, that I work from in the meeting. I’ll say, ‘I made some notes to keep myself on track.’ That helps be really clear, which is always important—and also kind—in a tough conversation. The notes also help me be more present, and that’s another thing I really try to do—even to be present in the awkwardness of it. I feel like it helps the other person if I just say, ‘Look, I know this is awkward, but let’s just talk about what’s going on.’ Then I try and lay out the issue as clearly and simply as possible and outline the consequences—or, really, more the impact of the situation. Then I just start asking questions, and trying to get them to be as clear as possible about their view of it. I guess I have a goal of putting the other person in the position where they feel as comfortable as possible because we’ll probably have a much more fruitful conversation if they don’t feel backed into a corner. It’s easier for somebody to cop to their part in a situation if they’re not feeling judged. I mean, it’s always just a human thing that is causing whatever the issue is. If you talk long enough, you can always see how they got there. It might be a problem, but you can almost always understand the why part. Before all that, I try and think about any issues I might not be seeing that somehow relate. Are they frustrated with certain aspects of the job? Is anything going on at home? And then I guess I always try to remember to focus on what I myself have witnessed versus what someone has told me about it. Both might come into the conversation, but I focus on what I know for myself. I always have to remind myself that no one likes having a difficult conversation with their boss—and that they’re probably a little freaked out or stressed.


There is too much to do in these jobs. What things are you not able to get to that you feel are really important?

Wow. More than I’d like to admit. I think the first couple years is just keeping up with the basics, so I really felt that then. The first thing that came to mind was evaluations. I would have liked to dig deeper with evaluations from the get go, but just getting all the meetings and observations set up takes so much time, then learning the politics and history that might be important. It doesn’t leave a lot of time for reflecting on all of it. Now, I’ve done it enough that the details or logistics are not so overwhelming, and I can focus a little more on the meetings, the observations and having better conversations. And the other thing is looking at data. I’m trying to carve out more time to look at my own department data. That’s really where I want the focus of my job to be and my conversations with people. We’re so big and people’s perspectives are so different that it can be hard to lead or guide or keep everyone on task—I mean, the task of watching outcomes for students. But data can bridge all of that, and helps you get past the politics of things. But I definitely don’t have enough time for data.


Where do you find the most joy in your job?

First thing that came to mind there was students. Which is weird, because most of the time, if we are seeing students, there’s a problem of one kind or another. But I always start by asking them about their lives and what their academic goals are and where they are. That makes a better conversation, anyway. Then, we’ll have the conversation we’re supposed to be having, and when we’re done with that part, I’ll go back to asking more about their lives: Do they work? Live at home or on their own? How do they get to campus? What are the hardest parts? Stuff like that. I can usually relate and we usually have a resource or two that might help them. So that’s always—well, almost always—a really good part of the day. I also have a good time at the deans meetings and whenever we all hang out. Everyone is supportive, and it’s a kind of a rare time where we get to just be ourselves a little without all the politics and dynamics that are usually going on the rest of the time.


What is the most satisfying task work?

Spreadsheets! There’s so much information to keep track of in these jobs, and staff and I have been able to make a lot of it a lot more handy and productive with some spreadsheets. And, of course, crossing the tasks off the list—which should definitely count as a task. I should add “crossing things of the list” to my list.


If you could start all over, what are three things you would do differently?

I would have asked for more help. I thought we were all actually supposed to know and remember all this information right off the bat. Now, I know that would be impossible. I would ask people to explain things to me like I was a five-year-old. I would allow myself to expect staff to remember some of the details that you just can’t keep in your head till you’ve done it enough times that it sticks. I would worry less about the details of budgets—strings and modifications and that kind of stuff---staff can help with that—and more about how much money we have left and building a simple process for tracking and requests. And I would have started having one-on-one conversations with people earlier than I did. It was just so overwhelming at first, and you’re trying just to keep the department running. But it made such a difference when I started having those conversations. I would also realize that you cannot get it all done and answer everyone’s email right away and also manage to take care of the things that your folks want you to be taking care of. Now, I’ll just say—as I did at the department meeting the other day—'Hey, I’m really jammed up right now, and my response time is gonna slow down, but I’m keeping up.’ I think that was more than three things.


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Something to think about:

“You can escape competition through authenticity, when you realize that no one can compete with you on being you.”


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